I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This baby is an asshole
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
