He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
