Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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