We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
