they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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