is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
