after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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