His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's shark week go big or go home
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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