and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
