You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
