weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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