I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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