So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize
