I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
