Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
