Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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