Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm too high and old for this...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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