i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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