We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
