Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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