i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
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I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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