Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
