dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
