we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
