I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
