Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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