just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
