Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
