The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
