3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
