My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
