i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
