im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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