I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
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