I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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