Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
