if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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