my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
