My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
