they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
