Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
