Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
