i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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