She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
