She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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