You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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