i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
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Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
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I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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