blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
