I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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