also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
