Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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