you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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