we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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