Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
