I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
