Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
