I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
