I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
