Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
