Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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