New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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