Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
