I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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