he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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