Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
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You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
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That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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