i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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