speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
