Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My balls are so social today.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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