Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
That reminds me...we need to get swords
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
